PBS Kids shows, Vol. I

This will be a highly-informational series in which I briefly comment on children's programming on PBS, both past and present. I hope to eventually cover every national show they've had on. So without further ado...


Maya & Miguel


Token-Hispanic-show-in-the-name-of-diversity, thy name is crap. Remember a few years back that Edward James Olmos drama series that was going to catapult PBS to new heights of popularity and be a ratings pinnacle? Not only did that not happen, it was trumped tenfold by Antiques Roadshow! Uh, yeah. Anyway, there is such a thing as trying too hard. PBS could save a bundle on production costs by just getting a new Muppet with a stereotypical Mexican accent.


Caillou

Are they holding back on the announcement this kid has cancer? For some reason I'm drawn to watching Caillou because I find the younger female characters attractive....Wait, wait, not THAT young! Now you think I'm a pedophile after Clementine! So I mean, the older...Wait, no! I'm not turned on by Caillou's grandma. Damnit! I also find Caillou's mom strangely attractive when she wears that one-piece bathing suit with the belt thing around the middle.

Sagwa (The Chinese-Siamese Cat)

This show actually marked the beginning of the third time in my life I had great interest in PBS children's programming. The first was as a child when I actually enjoyed Sesame Street, Mister Rogers, The Electric Company, et al. The second was when I was a teenager; the reasoning behind this was twofold. Not only could I watch PBS cooking and kid's shows just to veg out, but I was also of an age where Reading Rainbow was very appealing for nostalgic reasons, and Mister Rogers was appealing for mockery. Anyway, I happened to see Sagwa on one day and just started watching it for the sake of curious amusement, but unfortunately the novelty has largely worn off.

I do like the fact that if we go by the show's character designs, Chinese magistrates look surprisingly similiar to morbidly-obese caucasians. If you stripped him of his Chinese regalia and put him in a cheap suit he'd look like a US pork-barrel politician. Oh yeah, there are cats that write, too. Some of them have weird decorations on 'em. Hooray.

Make Way for Noddy

No, not the earlier Noddy with the "Noddy shop" and Noah (was that for the US only?). I'll get to that later. Live-action host Naomi is quite hot in a Spice Girls sort of way. Talking from first-hand experience, it's extremely hard to write anything humorous about this show without making some cheap racial reference to Dinah Doll. But I'll refrain.

But my main gripe--what's with the narrator's lackadaisical attitude? What if it's not "a beautiful day in Toytown?" Perhaps on that very day, molestation accusations against Big Ears have surfaced due to Master Tubby Bear stumbling out of his home in a lethargic state with a big red shank around him. What happens if Mr. Plod is involved in a shoot-out with a notorious cop killer? Pray tell, what if Sly and Gobbo steal all the googleberries?

The Zula Patrol

Not even the voice of Cam Clarke can save this computer-animated travesty. Somehow I suspect he thought doing voice-overs for a PBS show would be a charitable action compared to his typical animation jobs, but what a horror he's participated in.

Seriously. This show is even worse than Kratt's Creatures/Zoboomafoo, something which a few years ago I would not have believed was possible. Comparatively, it makes Jakers! look like Reading Rainbow. Trust me, mere seconds after watching this, you realize Charlie Rose would be a more entertaining addition to the PBS Kids lineup.

Between the Lions

I'll probably comment more on this show later; I do think some parts are reasonably funny, but to be completely honest, I'd be very happy if PBS cancelled it and started running a 30-minute block of Gawain's Word.